Studies show that most New Years Resolutions don’t last until February.
Stop the insanity and make some goals that WORK, yo!
Today, I want to talk to you about a whole different way of looking at goals:
It’s not that you want to do that goal – It’s about the identity you want to have.
If you’ve been banging your head up against the same goal over and over again and it’s just not sticking, it could be that something about that goal is conflicting with your sense of who you are.
So, for example, if you’re like, “All right, this is it. This is the year I’m gonna start exercising consistently. I’m doing it for sure.”
…But deep inside, you think of yourself as someone who is awkward, weak, who has fatigue, who is a non-exerciser, it’s just not gonna stick.
Don’t get me wrong. If you don’t exercise, you probably are awkward, and weak, and tired. But that’s you mistaking your current state for who you are.
And so, we make these decisions about ourself, and we don’t even realize how completely limiting they are. So some of the identities that I hear all the time from my clients … They’ll say things like,
” I’m a workaholic.
I’m an all-or-nothing person.
I’m a night owl.”
“I have anxiety.
I am just not an exerciser.
I’m a nonconformist.
I don’t like following rules.”
Even identities that we consider positive can be limiting.
So I would always go around saying, “Well, I’m a morning person.” And I didn’t even realize it until someone called me on it and said, “So, what is that costing you? That’s an interesting identity.” And I thought about it. And at first, I was like, “No, being a morning person is great!” But then I thought about it, and I thought, “Okay, what does it cost me?” Well, it costs me staying up late to connect with my husband. It cost me seeing shooting stars when I go camping. It cost me staying up late to push through a project when I’m really on a roll.
We create these identities. We are so attached to them, and they often do cost us in ways that we don’t even realize. But we get so attached to this idea, we will do anything. Our sense of identity is one of the strongest forces in the human personality. So, if you have an idea about yourself, about “I’m a this kind of person.” You’re gonna make sure that happens. So, if you’ve got goals, how are you gonna match up that sense of identity with what you want? Right? That’s what you want.
I want you to think right now. Is there anything about my sense of who I am that is in conflict with my goals? And once you’ve got that, here’s the fun part. You’re gonna decide, “What’s my new identity?” And I want you to go ridiculous with this. So here’s an example. I have this guy. He wanted to bring more passion to his marriage. And so instead of saying, “Well, I’m the type of guy who has a passionate marriage.” He decided that his new identity is “I am a sexual sensei.” Right? Which is a totally different vibe, totally different identity. And might get the job done a little bit more, just sayin’.
And then I’ve got friends who are women, who are like, instead of saying, “Well, I want to lose five pounds, I want to get rid of this.” They go around saying like, “I am Wonder Woman. I am creating the bionic woman.” Dude, that is so much more fun. And when you’re having fun, it’s actually gonna happen. And let me tell you, it feels good. And that, again, my friends, is the whole point. To feel good, right now, at exactly the weight you’re at.